REGINA'S

conflicted.


at times, i tried asking myself: "hey! what if i'm not 18? what if i'm like 20 now, how will i live? will i still get to know the people around me? is 18 really still VERY young? do i really behave like a kid at times?"

sigh! if only i grab hold of it in the begining, everything wouldn't have ended up so contradicting. how obtuse can i get? the answers are right at my sight yet, i turn to look the other way. can't i just look straight for ONCE? argh! i'm angry with myself. i kept thinking. kept conflicting myself. when thing get over a long period of time, hardly there would be an easy U-TURN. once passed, it's passed. much work should be put in if one choose to make the u-turn. but who will be putting in such effort when you know no matter how hard, it will still be futile. will you still continue doing it when you know the truth of everything? i missed it once. now, do i still have to miss it AGAIN?

i was thinking. should i just put everything behind? cos someone will be there for me too. will it still be the same? will it still be the same feeling? the feeling of someone trying to protect you in the dark, standing up for you. the feeling when someone tried every effort to make you smile and laugh everyday. the feeling when you're so sick that there's someone there to care and take care of you. the times when someone acted like a clown for you. and of cos, that special feeling when you're with that someone. i miss those feelings.


if only i can read people's mind......