Monday, April 28, 2008

the deepest,

I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I had
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it come to being lucky he's cursed
When it come to loving me he's the worst

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure going to give you a try
And if you want
I'll try to love again

Baby I'll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it come to being lucky he's cursed
When it come to loving me he's the worst

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
'cause if you want I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
When it come to being lucky he's cursed
When it come to loving me he's the worst

Friday, April 25, 2008

why do couples marry when they will divorce eventually?

i was thinking randomly and they came to my mind.

they have been together for 5 years and eventually, planned to settle down. they prepared everything, invitations sent out. unfortunatly, a couple of days before the big day, unexpectedly, the almost-newly-weds had some reflections about themselves and a huge quarrel fired out. well, best solution was to break-up 'cause it seems that there no way they could live with each other anymore. it's too late. they had paid for the wedding dinners, couldn't make last minutes cancelations. hopelessly, they go on with the wedding so as not to disappoint their families, friends and relatives.

knowing that there's no other way out for them. what would people think when a newly-wed decided to go different ways just after a not mature marriage? they thought having a child might be able to salvage the whole marriage and the "hatred" between them. he tired to be the husband she wants him to be. she tried to be the wife he has always been wanting for. child was due, a huge resposibility for them. knowing that they couldn't give each other love, they plant it on their child. soon, the guy started heading home in last nights, at times, early mornings. all he does was to give the basic allowance to the mother and child. that's his way of showing his love to his child. he hang out till late. his child couldn't even remember how his dad look alike. he doesn't knows how well his child did in his exams, he doesn't ask, he doesn't know anything about the mother and child.

he found a new love. she's nice. they were in love of course. the ladyl knew he's married. she tried to shun him many times yet he kept holding her back. the love between was so strong that this carried on for years. the lady eventualy, woke up her mind, knowing that there wouldn't be a future for the both of them. each and everything the lady tired to speak her mind up, he guy would said he will divorce. months and months, where's the separation form? she left him eventually, yet he kept coming back.

what about his wife? doesn't he knows that she has always been waiting for his love to return? why would a women take such a high risk of having her man's child when she knows that there will be no future. she will only be left with the love from her child and not her man. the love that should be belong to her wasn't hers. she believes that having his child would bring him(love) back.

why would a lady willing to scarifice just for love? bearing his child even when she knows that he will never love her the way he did. she's willing to swallow the insults and gossips coming from others that he husband is having an affair outside. she suffered all alone. her parents know nuts about her marriage. she's in pain. but do she really need all these suffers? she could have left her man. why is she still staying?

then, a month married couple went searching for re-sales units. so excited and nervous to get their new house when the handed the agent their $1000 deposit. that was the best day of their life when they finally found a house, which means they are gonna have their own family. hand in hand, they went searching for banks to get their bank loan approval done. 3 days later, DBS accepted their request. 7 weeks later, along with the agents and sellers, they met at hdb hub to have their first appointment. papers signed. a little more steps to a new family.

2 months later, few days before the completion. the agent receive a call from them. "sorry, we couldn't buy that house anymore. we are divorcing." questionmarks flew everywhere.

why was the love so short?

i asked M, how did he knew that his wife was the one? he repiled: "when you know that without her , you will die." it seems like verbally nonsense. everyone can fall in love like they can die without the other party. whereas, it's partially true somehow.



so many people taking marriage like a game these days. how do we spend 3/4 of our life facing the same person everyday when you can get sick shit if you both meet everyday. so, how did your grandma and grandpa maintian their relationship? how did your mum and dad do it?

Thursday, April 24, 2008

see, told you i hate school.

BIG TIME. asshole.

but it's good to have ho-ho-ho to send me to school. of course, nik too. bringing me to my class and allowing me to have half of his kid-size breakfast.

i manage to know 2 girls, who god knows what's their name. never mind. so, i went back to office and everyone was so happy to see me. told you, without me, it's lifeless everywhere. so, i told M that i made 2 new friends. and he said:

"so, did she lend you her pencil? did you all share books? did you all play hopscotch during recess?"

smackface!

there's this coordinator, she speaks english that i have a little hard time of understanding. she told us to take out the "decoration form" from the file given. so, i went flipping through looking for the "decoration form." i got really agitated 'cause i don't seems to have that particular paper that everyone has in their file. eventually, she took out and it was actually "letter of declaration" form. delcaration and decoration, it's so far apart. for every point she's gonna start of, she will say "now, i'm going to talk about......" ya, so she had 5 main points and they all started off in this manner. HOW BORING.

then, she introduced us about our course. she goes "for the first few models, you will......" ya, first few models, right. modules, my lady! lastly, she was talking about our GPA and she said: "we will divide the toto sum together........"

imagine someone representing the school speaking in this manner. unfortunately, she was the one only. if the rest were speaking in that manner too, image will be tarnish. i'm not saying that my english is spendid. i'm sure this isn't the first time she's doing this presentation thingy. come on, if you manage to be some coordinator of some schools, it proves that you have some skills in doing presentation which means confidence, speaking proper english, getting everyone to pay attention to what is being said and lastly, audience MUST understand what you are mumbling about. god grave.

met ho-ho-ho again. really feel like smacking him when i saw his bike. waste money again. but it's so damn gorgeous la. swear! stunning red red red. IT'S FREAKING SHIT RED. MY FAV.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

I DON'T WANNA GO TO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!
mummy, i don't wanna go school.
i don't wanna go la!

yes, i'm whinning like some kid ass out there. just like how they cried when their mama first forced them into a primary school and so on. waving good-bye disheartedly while tears still flowing down their eyes, seeing only the back view of their parents fade. just how hesitant to step into a world whereby they know nuts about anyone around them. sat at a corner, just wanting to go home so, so much.

oh, please don't assume that i don't wanna go to school 'cause i'm going somewhere so foreign. come on. i meet like so many people. what are those in new school means to me? i don't even have the fugging shit intention of making 'new friends.' i'm serious. how new can they get when you only spend like 3 hours together. 10am-1pm, 3 freaking shit hours a day, it's perfectly slaying my time and money off. imagine the sum of money i could secure during this 3 hours. imagine the amount of work to be done within this 3 shit hours.

i hate school.
i think this is the zillion time i saying this. i'm really getting on everyone's nerves in the office. i bet they were very keen to kick my ass off the office, change the password and lock the door so, i wouldn't be able to access to stop my whinnings which affectted their working mood quite a bit more than usual, along with my totally no motivation soul. i was like crawling around aimlessly from 9-6. i did so many things. they really stucked my blood till i'm really dried up, get so agitated when piles of work keep heapping on my desk. that i don't even feel like talking. it's all 'cause, i'm going to school tomorrow.

well, my retest for econs is also affecting me. remodule. fuck. i don't want to la!

worse, i don't wanna go to school. i know i'm behaving like a child now. it's childish. BUT I JUST FUCKING DON'T WANNA GO! i would rather go to office at 9am than school at 10am.

i know it's futile to say this now when i have already paid my school fee on a very day that i have no intention at all to further my studies, totally reluctant.

you would voice out that "see, told you already, you won't want to go back to school after you work. with the sum of money you earn." OH-SO-TRUE, uh. so what? when i can earn the amount of half of my school fees just by closing ONE case from direct buyers and sellers. i said ONE! which is approximately 10K. i don't know LKK did co-broking for my mr poon poon's house or direct.

i miss those days when i'm so welcomed and loved by all the buyers in my buyer's list. especially my mr poon poon & wife. mr jason. orchid park mr ..... (what's his name?) oh, mr eddiee & daughter, her hubby & their baby. mr david's whole entire family for second son. mr kenneth. 187 mdm wong & husband. 116 10th floor corner EA entire family(i love that house), what's the name again? ahhh, mr vincent and family. mr kuah and mei qi. mr beng kiat and wife. mr roland. mr azan, who used to hate me and ended up cared so much for me. mr wilson. who's the man who bought gage's unit? mr... MR BERNARD! miss calling them. hearing their voice and meeting them. whilst on the other hand, playing with their kids. they love me.

though i don't really have my personal time when i got into this job. i don't care. 'cause this is so gonna be the job of my life. i learned alot. thanks to LKK for teaching me so much. creating a huge boost in my confident level, to be able to poise myself. well, also on how to communicate with people, to lie, to please, to build trust and rapport, to force, to make believe, to make things ethical so no one get hurts.

it's 21 next year! CEHA wait for me.

jacq, zainah, lina, patrick, darry, david, darren, michelle, alex loh/leow/chia, xiao bai, agnes, bryan, uncle victor, auntie susan, auntie anna, sj, joanne, jason, peter, guan ting, dephane, dave, andrew, jerry, chanel, victor, marcus, francis, valerie, kelvin, ron. nice working with them. nice working and having them in office.

i didn't really get to bade good-bye to them. so here is it.
bye, HSR.
bye, UD.

anyway, school's going to suck immensely big time!
i don't want tomorrow to come.

Monday, April 21, 2008

NIK NIK NIK!!!



yeah! gonna meet nik this wednesday for school. yea, did i just mention sch? you've got me! i'm back to the damn school days. stuck my ass in lectures for 3 damn hours. shit ass. 3 damn hours and there goes my money.



well, i hope my lesson's in the morning 'cause i did went to appeal. another reason being, i know nuts about the school, so, nice nik will be leading me and show my his super long helping hand that day. so sweet. that's why i love him most among all, for the time being. LOL!



SO, NIK, I'LL SEE YOU AT THE SOMERSET MRT STATION AT 950AM OKAY. PROVIDED I CAN MAKE IT ON TIME! =)



and finally, my mr poon poon's house is SOLD! well, LKK's really sweet la! gonna give me 5% even though i quitted before poon poon's house was sold! sigh. it should be 15% one la. but it's okay. better than nothing. i'm dried up. i need cash cash cash right now! LKK, faster transfer me okay.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

GREAT JOB.
i lost my IC for god-knows where and when.

i don't bring my IC out at all. it's always on the shelf. where did it go?

so, i told bf the other day i lost my IC.

me: my mother said must make police report.
him: of course la.
me: but how am i gonna tell the police, what will they say?
him: just tell them you're IC lost and they will scold you.

in the mist of my reply, i was thinking *huh, will kana scolding, like that ask mummy go report for me.*

me: huh.....
him: no la. scold you for what. just report only la. siao.

YA! so, i believed his words and i'm siao. how nice.

i hate him. i swear. i hate him big time.

i hate it when he has his way of coaxing me. so i can't stay mad at him for too long.

i hate it whatever he demand from me, i am to fulfill it, with immediate effect.

i hate it when i can't be mad at him 'cause i'll be labelled as "siao" when i do so.

i hate it when he can go out with his friends till late, and when i do the same all sorts of questions will be popping out of his head to ask me. next, he will say "go home early" which means "now now now!!"

i hate it when he gets so insecure. all he thinks is i'm out with some guys. and when M sends me home, he thinks that some bike friends of mine send me home.

i hate it when he made that irritating roar when i irritate him. there's still a whole long list la!

mostly importantly, i hate when he prefer sally than me. asshole!



but i still love him as much as i hate him. i love everything he does, despite that it can be really irriating and pisses me off like hell.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

YAY! BABY ORD ALREADY!!!!
since 8th april.

and the funny thing is he didn't even know it. which means he went back camp for an extra week. -_-"

it's a really surprising thing 'cause we use to have a mind concept that he will only ord in 2 months times. whenever we meet up, just like yesterday, he kept complaining about sailing, duties and so on. he will always be counting down to his ord every single day. to not make it seems that he will only ord in 2 months times, usually i tell him, it's better for him to think that he will only ord in 6 months times so, he will not be counting down the days, which, in fact, makes it seems like time is passing damn slow.

he was then making an enormous fuss about his camp doing stupid stuffs. finally, 7 months of complains from him has eventually stopped this morning when he called me to announce his delightful news. the next moment we hang up the call, i was jumping around la and M, A and W said i was crazy. so, i was like "my boyfriend ord already leh!!! can't believe it's so soon! MUAHAHAHA!!" which also illustrate that i was smiling throughout the whole day.

he's one big time blur ass! how can someone who's gonna ord thinks that he's gonna ord in another few months time? his camp like amusement park meh? got so fun and interesting that ord also don't know?! damn god.

AND YEAH!!!! HE FINALLY ORD!!!

which means, more time for me. no more "i'm tired, sleepy" and so on. YAY! more time for me. anyway, baby's working with me soon i think. i hope so.('cause he can send me to work EVERYDAY! muahahah!) which also means we earn money together. which also means i get to see him almost everyday, if he wants. that would be so fantabulous. well, M kinda have some discussion. he said: "couples should not be working together. they play. not work." whatever it is, they are very keen to see baby at office! eventually, they will be teaching him stuffs and we can earn big bucks together!!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

i knew baby's gonna give me surprise.




i hate it whenever i'm instinct is always so right. why can't i really get a surprising suprise from him?



well, he didn't even make it obvious at all la! all he asked was if i had eaten and if i'm hungry. that's all. then, minutes later, he went offline. i was pretty confident that he's gonna come over my place to fetch me out for dinner.



just like i expect, i heard his damn loud bike passing by whilst i'm staying on the top floor. see, how noisy his bike is. then, the next moment, my door bell rang but i'm really damn tired to open. heh! of course after he beg me to open the door, i did la. how could i let him stay outside while waiting for me to lie on the bed till shiok. okay, he didn't beg me, i was just trying to make him seems pathetic.



whatever it is, he made an effort to surprise me though initially, he didn't wanna bring me out 'cause i was almost dead yesterday, vomited like 5 times, vomit, eat, vomit, drink, vomit till i took the medicine. baby said i'm like a child. 'cause children do that all the time when they fall sick. yea, so, he manage to made me so happy with his afford that i thought of treating him dinner but he paid instead. despite the fact that he is so broke now. it used to be that 30 bucks means nothing to him. even at times, a thousand means nothing. yet now, every single cent counts and means a thing.



it's must be cause he didn't do any donation when he win money. it must be! that's why his so sway these days.



after begging and pleasing him from tm to cs to punggol, at every traffic lights, he finally couldn't stand my cuteness and agreed! i hope i'll get half day tomorrow. 'cause i need to see the doctor. i don't wanna go in the night with my dad!

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

well, he's been very sweet cum nice to me recently. must be 'cause i'm getting my commision and that's why he's so good to me. okay, that's a joke.

he's been bringing me out and demand me to meet him(so man la). i like it. oh ya! i like it when he gets jealous. so man la! i like it when he's angry. even more man la.

whatever it is, i have my ways to handle him when he's mad at me. it really like being with him.

like, i work the whole day. lying and lying. it's really tiring to lie. what's worst if it's to make it convincing. so many tiny listings to update everyday till eyes are almost in the middle. it's tiring. and when i get to see him, totally changed to another person. a person who really wanna be the close to perfect gf of his. i can be anyone at work, jane, sally, nicole, tiffany with different personality, but when i'm with him, i'm just his little women.

like now, sally, she's someone who is bubbly, friendly, blur, lovable. someone whom everyone will wanna have he around.

will be changing name soon. i love this job 'cause i get to be in different characters i want. any kind of roles i wanna be on the particular day. yea, role playing.

gonna go have unagi fried rice this friday with baby. it's his treat he said which will eventually, turn to be mine. shit him!


i know it's kinda irritating to see my post with everything about me and my bf. just bare it 'cause i have never blogged about any of my boyfriend. which also prove that it's like i have fallen in love for the first time.

anyway, M gonna fetch me to work tml!!! YEAH! which means i can sleep till a later time. and i don't have to take the train, sitting on seat that god-knows how dirty the previous person was. yucks.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

anyway, his bike got smashed and somehow, some fatty shit made his bike fall. headlight plastic is broken and mudguard cracked. why do people have to do such things? so what if boyfriend's bike is nice? do your jealousy really need to go to such extend? ROOOAAAAAAAARRRRRR! my heart really aches as much as his. initially, i thought it just dropped 'cause the number plate was bend. so, we were scanning to see if there's any other damage and suddenly, gave out a loud "WOW!" the headlight plastic was smashed. that's the part when my heart really cracked. it was smashed and dropped, asshole. boyfriend has always been so careful with his bike, no other people can sit on his bike and only he can ride it. he treats it better than me la. so, imagine it's so damaged now, how he feels?

you know, i used to hate X1-R when he first bought it. 'cause i was deeply in love with super 4 at that point of time and what's more, he changed bike without tell me. which also means i didn't get a last chance to sit on my favourite spec 2. so, he went to modify his stupid X1-R which made it so noisy. totally hate it la. i would rather take the mrt(it's a joke). then, he went to change this and that. WHAT'S MORE, his bike is black and my favourite red now. how can i not fall in love with this bike? it's been with us for 4 months plus. which also means i have built a r/s with it just like super 4. so, seeing all these damage, it's aches.

it's just that he doesn't knows that i'm in love with his bike and it hurts me as much as his. honey thought i hated it alot 'cause i told him i still prefer and prefer super 4. so what if i prefer super 4? i love his bike wot! well, i agree with him that he's more suitable to ride a smaller bike. i hope there won't be anymore stuff like this again 'cause i don't want him to sell this current one away.

weekends was spent with that freak, 2 weeks ago. and i barely sleep for 10 hours. friday, can you imagine, he woke me up at 7 plus in the morning, demanding me to go and bathe and accompany him to the bike shop, post office and bank. therefore, my sleep is gone for a day. so, i thought maybe, saturday night, i get to sleep. damn it. it was 2 plus am or 3 when we slept and he woke me up at a very nice timing. FREAKING SHIT 6.15AM LA! totally SIAO! no choice, he has to go pray his dad and i went to pray my aunt.

i have so much to tell my aunt yet bf was beside me and i was totally lost of words. all i know was, till this very day, i have not forget that very day. i would have cried out if bf was at another corner la!