REGINA'S

work, studies and relationship.

i get stress from work. i get stressed up with my stress. and i get stressed over my relationship.
i hate it.

so, i had a lot of thoughts last night. finally, i made a conclusion.

i cannot give up my studies, it help me to fulfill my future needs. i cannot give up on my work 'cause i need the experience for my future job.

relationship? yea, i intend to give up my relationship if i really couldn't cope with this three any longer. i's not that i longer like him or what. label me as selfish. i don't know. whatever is creating a huge blockage to what i wanna achieve in future, i couldn't keep them/it for long.

maybe i have grown. maybe i'm not the girl whom everyone knows any longer. maybe i changed because of 'usually'. maybe i change with the environment i'm in. i guess it's all that changed me.

'usually' gave me the thought that there's really so nice guy out there. it's okay if he had not chose me to be his gf but some other girl in a pub, i seriosuly don't mind. yet, whenever his gf is not around, he send me this "my gf is not staying at my house today, you wanna meet me for dinner?" a guy whom i used my entire life to love him, he was just like my soul tattoo and i thought he was so perfect till he sent me this. have he ever thought if his gf is doing the same thing behind him, how would he feel?

'cause of what shadow this soul tattoo of mine has casted, i realise, there is no longer anyone nice in this world. no one should be easily trusted. i totally lost hope in guys.

the enviroment i'm living in now is totally materialistic. how can i not get influence with them? i'm so motivated to earn hell lots to achieve what i want. that's my first priority.

i lost hope in guys and i'm first priority is to achieve what i want. so, how could i get into a relationship in the first place? i should stay single. i hear voices in my agreeing what i said.

i'm really tired. i'm not happy. i made this decision, i don't know if i will regret it, i seriously don't know. all i know is, i want to achieve what i have always wanted for my future.


this is not the life i want any longer.