REGINA'S

i'm really tired.

i don't know what to do. what's on my mind actually? i wanna find somewhere peaceful. just sit there alone and not think of anything. i wanna sleep. i wanna stop thinking of anything. i'm really tired. i've got no more strength.

i tired of myself, work, relationship, studies, family and life.

i hate myself. i hate work. i hate my relationship. i hate my studies. i hate my family not being understanding. i hate my life for being so fucked up.

i hate stress. i know my hand has been trembling like some sort of sickness 'cause i'm really stress to the point where i can't take it anymore.

i'm tired. tired of getting all the shit from everyone. doing things people don't even appreciate at all and expecting more. i'm not a machine. i need a break at times. i don't like them demanding me to do things i hate.

i'm tired of my body. the cramps i have the whole day. the suddenly dizziness. the sudden blackout. the amount of medicine i have been taking. the pale lips. the fucking pale face without make-up, i look fucking sick. the office's air con is freezing me to death yet they complained that it's too humid.

i tired of my relationship. this is the greatest sin i made.

what have i been thinking? i actually walked aimless today. what was on my mind? i was purely just looking at the floor of vivo. i looked aimless on the train. who or what am i looking at?

i hate being someone else to cover my weakness. why do i have fake the strong side of me? being the bubbly girl in office, so everyone thinks i'm happy and i get to do all the shit again, all pile up for me to settle.

i'm not happy at all. i wish i didn't have this kind of life. i wish i didn't get to meet him. i wish i didn't get this job. i wish i could stop being someone else. i wish i could have a better life. at least better than now. i wish i didn't have to go to school. i wish i were healtier.

i hate the life in singapore. i hate the people being so typical, brainless. what a hopeless society. fucking young kid doesn't knows how to give up his seat to old lady yet i being so much i pain had to give up mine. typical kiasu people pushing people in front into the train, for fuck? does the pushing helps to get you in the train faster? dumb. typical singapore who send unreadable english msg me and i have to fucking call back and ask what they meant, ended up getting scolded for "simple msg also don't understand." asshole. what does "ok. come" means? i hate people seeing an empty space yet still wanna squeeze into my space. how the fuck am i going to walk? i hate people walking so damn fucking slow. don't they have brains like if they are walking s-l-o-w-l-y, please kindly move to another side of the pathway and not blocking my way. i hate people who thinks i doesn't have the damn money to pay. f that auntie. "can change the drinks?" "can, extra money." "can add this?" "can, need to pay extra." cheebye! need me to show you how much i got not! fucking realistic world. how could people survive so long?

i tired of everything. i wanna rest. i wanna go somewhere just to be alone. i need some time for myself. 'cause i have stopped understanding myself. i need to find myself back. i don't wanna be somebody else.