REGINA'S

i'm helpless. i don't understand the way i'm thinking. do i or do not love him? why in my previous post i'm so sure that i love him yet now, i'm confuse.

whenever i reminisce, i felt so love. the love he showered me made me like feels like i'm a princess. now, i resent thinking about what is going on between us. i'm really tired and stressed. i feel like ending yet i'm afraid that i can't bare to. but my friends told me, if you really can't go on anymore, don't force yourselves any further. you will ended up with nothing. another of my friend gave me a test and concluded that we had the chemisty but not feelings. maybe it's right, maybe it's not, cos i don't even know what i'm thinking. some friends gave me advise on how to maintain a relationship however, their relationship is different from mine. i really hope i can interven the things that are happening between us. but i think i can't. i don't wish to put in more effort, and i don't want to. i'm tried, i'm sick. i wanna be alone. i wanna live my own life and not him controlling over me. he said the slap really woke him up yet he still asked me,

EXAMPLE

me: finished school. i'm going to my friend's place to do my project.
him: whose house?
me: liyan's
him: got who?
me: jennifer, li yan, yan ping, LC
him: do till what time?
me: not sure.
him: okays

*** mintues passed ***

him: why must you everyday do project till so late go home? i'm not going to care much about you already. i'm sick and tired of repeating what i've always said.


it's like he don't trust me when he said this to me "thou i don't like you to go home so late, i sort of trust you more and and let you play more." he tole me this on 17 aug and on the 19 of aug, he said the above example to me. contridicting isn't it? it's just all lies.

i didn't blame him for the above though i was kinda fed up about it. i try to be good, nice, sweet to him and what i got back was shouting, anger and attutuding. i was at his place eating and after that i used the computer. there's something that i have to say. he told me that whenever i'm using the computer at his place, he will always be sitting beside me. yet, i was different ytd. he went into the room and sleep. can you imagine, he woke up in the afternoon and he's sleeping at 9? so, i went into the room to walk him up. unexpectedly, he was unhappy and a lil attitude. so, i went out continue using the computer. half an hour later, i finished using, i went back to his room. i move the fan a lil closer to me, and i got scolded from him for moving the fan and waking him up. fine, i move the fan back, he wasn't happy. i was fed up. i told him i wanted to go home and left. he shouted, pulled my hand and made a nuisance of himself again. i told him off and asked him to shut up. i requested him to let me go home cos i wanna be alone. he left.

it's his fault and he is blaming me? i didn't ask him to sleep in the first place and he shouldn't be. he should be sitting beside me! after all this, do you understand how i feel? i really wanna be alone.

perhaps, the things he did made me dissapointed and unexpected. they aren't what i hope for and not the way i want though i tried to make it my way to please me. yet, he think that i'm selfish, i'm only thinking of myself. yes, i'm thinking for myself but have he thought that when i'm happy, i will be good to him and we will be like before? no, he don't. all the knows i ask me to reflect everyday on myself. i'm really tired of explaining.


I WANNA BE ALONE!