REGINA'S

"BANG!"
i woke up in a shock. trying to recall the scenes in my dream. it's was the last thing i would ever want it to happen.

it was so real.

i grab my cellphone and dial bf's number. all i could hear was just the operator's voice. redialing it 5 times, 6 times, 10 times, it's still the operator's voice.

where are you? why aren't you home at such a late hour? why is you phone off?

it kept repeating on my mind. the scenes in my dreams. it's scaring me. 2am, i couldn't sleep still. though my six senses told me that he is at still at work. but i couldn't bring myself to believe my six senses. i couldn't get the thoughts of the scary dream away from my mind. it's all so real. i lied on the bed, tossed and turned, how many times the whole night?

still redialing. it's still the voices of the operation's. redial. redial. redial.

it was getting me so worried, so panic, so scared and so helpless. i felt so useless. i couldn't even know where is his whereabouts. i prayed that he will be fine and will be calling me any moment from now. if he's at work, he will use the office's phone to call me. he won't leave me throughout the whole night just like that. he just busy. 415am.

it's 6am. i'm still awake. i'm lost. if what happened in my dream happened in real life, what if, what ifs.... i told myself if nothing bad happens to him, i will slap him when i see him for making me so worried.

9am. swollened eyes. my mind is all about him. i walked aimlessly. so lifeless. still habouring hope that he will call me any moment. should i go to school or should not? but where am i suppose to go to find him? why didn't he call me?

10am. lecture starts. i totally lost my soul. i have no idea what the lecture was about and i have no idea what i am doing. i wish, i hope, i prayed that he will call me.

1pm. lesson ends. no calls from him. i'm insane. i'm breaking down. i'm so scared.

110pm. beng told him he saw his bike down his house. i called his cellphone, it's still off. i burst him home phone. no answers still.

130pm. finally, after 12 hours, i received his call. just like what my six senses told me. work, and cellphone batt went dead. i was dumbfolded. i don't know if i should yell or should i stay calm. i was totally dissapointed. to realise how insignificant i was to him. he could have used his office phone to inform me he was going to work ot. but he did not.

i hate him. for having swollen eyes for nothing. for spending my night waiting aimlessly for nothing. for not being significant to him. for not having me, in his mind all the long. it was worse when he told me only this,

"sorry, i was working."

no other explainations. working can't use the phone to call me? ridiculous. somehow, i wish something really bad happened to him so, i wouldn't stay up for nothing.

i'm disappointed. he couldn't even explain why he couldn't call me. it's all his excuses of being tired. i'm mad. i hate him. i wanted to give him a slap so hard on his face that he would be disfigured.

does he even knows how hard i tried to survive the night through? NO. i bet he didn't care.

to also realise, i'm actually nothing to him.

i'm nothing. you can never amend what you did. i hate you so much.