I Think I'm Insane.

when things starts to go my way, i start to wonder, why are things so perfect now.
when things are fucked up and got me stressed up, i start to wonder, why my life ain't perfect.

i always complain when i first got together with big bully. he didn't have time to accompany. he doesn't give a hack about anything. all he does is to stare at his computer the whole day. i got attached to him was because he didn't care much about me at that time.

yes, i meant i fell for him because he didn't give a shit about me. that time, i wasn't ready for a relationship and i was a total workaholic, like working 14 hours a day. in fact, we didn't give a god damn shit about each other. we could do whatever we wanted, do wherever we wanted. we don't have to meet everyday. like once in a week.

and he WAS chauvinistic.

i thought its pretty cool that even in a relationship. we can have so much of our personal time.

then, i changed company. had more time. 8 hours of work a day only. i stated to complain that he didn't accompany me. hence, we tried to meet up more often, like days before he go for his duty.

things started to change soon, when he ORD-ed. we met up everyday since then. there wasn't a day that you will ever see him not beside me. i have gotten used to it. we had quarrels that came to an end but eventually, cooling down helped the stubborns.

everyday is the same routine. routine is good. its safe.

like what i have said many times. i fell for him because he is chauvinistic. for whatever god damn reason, he is not now.

this made me sad. really sad.
but we are really very happy together now. (???????????????)

maybe it was cause i fell for him because he was chauvinistic, and when he is not now, it leads me to a suitation whereby i starts to wonder now, what i love about him now. then again, when you love someone, there no reason. you just fall for him, for his bad habits, for his attitude, for his fucked up characters and for everything a girls hate her boyfriend to have.


damn, i don't know what i'm thinking.