REGINA'S

i see myself doing things i will never do. i see myself jumping out of my window one night. i see myself cutting. i see myself crying. i see myself begging.

i even googled how to die easily.

i was shivering. the whole body was and hands were back to those electrical chairs days.

i told myself it's enough. i told myself i need a break.

i wanna get a doctor. someone whom i can talk to. someone who has the rights to give me a letter to defer my studies.

i don't wanna continue a single shit anymore.

once, i watched a documentary. the host asked the priest why people wants to go to heaven. the priest reply was because heaven is a wonderful and beautiful place. hence, the host asked back, since it's so nice, why not kill yourself now.

as for now, i don't mind if heaven was actually hell in fact or my soul just disappear in the air.

i just hate to see this world any longer. it's a torture.

i can't even recognize myself now. i'm such a pathetic bitch.

i did what i could. no one appreciate.

dying inside cause i can't stand it. can't take this madness.

it should be time.