when things starts to go my way, i start to wonder, why are things so perfect now.
when things are fucked up and got me stressed up, i start to wonder, why my life ain't perfect.
i always complain when i first got together with big bully. he didn't have time to accompany. he doesn't give a hack about anything. all he does is to stare at his computer the whole day. i got attached to him was because he didn't care much about me at that time.
yes, i meant i fell for him because he didn't give a shit about me. that time, i wasn't ready for a relationship and i was a total workaholic, like working 14 hours a day. in fact, we didn't give a god damn shit about each other. we could do whatever we wanted, do wherever we wanted. we don't have to meet everyday. like once in a week.
and he WAS chauvinistic.
i thought its pretty cool that even in a relationship. we can have so much of our personal time.
then, i changed company. had more time. 8 hours of work a day only. i stated to complain that he didn't accompany me. hence, we tried to meet up more often, like days before he go for his duty.
things started to change soon, when he ORD-ed. we met up everyday since then. there wasn't a day that you will ever see him not beside me. i have gotten used to it. we had quarrels that came to an end but eventually, cooling down helped the stubborns.
everyday is the same routine. routine is good. its safe.
like what i have said many times. i fell for him because he is chauvinistic. for whatever god damn reason, he is not now.
this made me sad. really sad.
but we are really very happy together now. (???????????????)
maybe it was cause i fell for him because he was chauvinistic, and when he is not now, it leads me to a suitation whereby i starts to wonder now, what i love about him now. then again, when you love someone, there no reason. you just fall for him, for his bad habits, for his attitude, for his fucked up characters and for everything a girls hate her boyfriend to have.
damn, i don't know what i'm thinking.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I LOVE LIVERPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!
went home team today and it was so disappointing. and that's why, i always strong protest that american's policeman are the best, they are the real policeman. and then again, how could we be compared to the americans?
it's good that my bosses were on holidays. i could really have two days of break after the one month of battle. hopefully, i get my off day again on thursday, they won't eat it, won't they?
like what they said, "relationship is about how you manage and maintain it, it's not about taking it as a test or game."
i always wonder, how can one be with or love someone elses for the rest of their life. won't the get bored, sick and tired of seeing each other everyday, quarreling over the same old thing time and time again. accepting the bad habits of each other the entire life and there shouldn't be any complains.
relationship is like marketing. promote yourself, improve yourself, maintain reputations and introduce new ideas to enhance the relationship. it's so difficult to market a product when people are bored of it. it stood at there for many months, yet no one touches it, and soon, it expires. just like relationship, in time to come, we get bored and we eventually see each other flaws, if we don't accept it, it's gone for sure.
the cycle of a relationship is the same as the product life cycle. first, honeymoon period, then drama, lastly, break-ups. eventually, you found a new love and continue the whole life cycle again till the day death arrive.
adding spice into relationship is a must-must for my views. i wouldn't wanna see my boyfriend of husband getting bored of me like the channel 8, 9pm series. it's an unseen pain. its a good series of big bully and me. for us to change, for each other.
women, the most particular thing we are afraid of is being fat. be it after pregnancy or sudden fat-ness(?). it's a big taboo for us, mind you. if it is because of us being fatter than what we used to be and the men get digusted, it really hurts(for pregnancy). but if it's cause you ate too much and you can't control it, too bad, serve you right, it time to get slim and turn them on.
men. it's actually easy to handle them, prolly for me. maybe i'm a pro. ha! big bully used to be damn "da nan ren", so i used my tactic and he becomes a "xiao nan ren" now. then, come to think of it, i perfer him to be "da nan ren" than "xiao nan ren." so, i pleade him to be more "man", sad to say, he is stucked at this point. so sad.
and lastly, i know it's out of point. BUT i have to say this,
it's good that my bosses were on holidays. i could really have two days of break after the one month of battle. hopefully, i get my off day again on thursday, they won't eat it, won't they?
like what they said, "relationship is about how you manage and maintain it, it's not about taking it as a test or game."
i always wonder, how can one be with or love someone elses for the rest of their life. won't the get bored, sick and tired of seeing each other everyday, quarreling over the same old thing time and time again. accepting the bad habits of each other the entire life and there shouldn't be any complains.
relationship is like marketing. promote yourself, improve yourself, maintain reputations and introduce new ideas to enhance the relationship. it's so difficult to market a product when people are bored of it. it stood at there for many months, yet no one touches it, and soon, it expires. just like relationship, in time to come, we get bored and we eventually see each other flaws, if we don't accept it, it's gone for sure.
the cycle of a relationship is the same as the product life cycle. first, honeymoon period, then drama, lastly, break-ups. eventually, you found a new love and continue the whole life cycle again till the day death arrive.
adding spice into relationship is a must-must for my views. i wouldn't wanna see my boyfriend of husband getting bored of me like the channel 8, 9pm series. it's an unseen pain. its a good series of big bully and me. for us to change, for each other.
women, the most particular thing we are afraid of is being fat. be it after pregnancy or sudden fat-ness(?). it's a big taboo for us, mind you. if it is because of us being fatter than what we used to be and the men get digusted, it really hurts(for pregnancy). but if it's cause you ate too much and you can't control it, too bad, serve you right, it time to get slim and turn them on.
men. it's actually easy to handle them, prolly for me. maybe i'm a pro. ha! big bully used to be damn "da nan ren", so i used my tactic and he becomes a "xiao nan ren" now. then, come to think of it, i perfer him to be "da nan ren" than "xiao nan ren." so, i pleade him to be more "man", sad to say, he is stucked at this point. so sad.
and lastly, i know it's out of point. BUT i have to say this,
I'M TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH LIVERPOOL!
so pro. so cute. so handsome.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
tears aint an option simply because i have long forgotten how to cry - tomtom
maybe i should stop worrying on the wrong decisions you will make. maybe its time for you to learn what is wrong and right. maybe its time you make a decision yourself and never regret it. i'm tried, tried of making decisions for you. tired of you not doing what you should.
maybe i do seem that i want to take over you, letting me decide on the path of your life. but if i had not stopped you, what have you become now? moreover, you were the one who ask me decide it for you.
i know, you don't have a mind like mine. i understand this. times, you couldn't understand how i felt, i don't mind. yes, i do whine, but its for you to lay your attention on me. i'm a girl, like any other girls, who need attentions, care and concern. you see me strong, yes, i am. but towards you, how could i be one? prolly i asked too much from you, but i gave too much too. more than anyone could ask from me.
its hitting me hard this time round. but i understand that tears aint an option simply because i have long forgotten how to cry. thought i'm not even ready to accept the fact that i made this decision, i knew i have to. prolly a rough path ahead but i'm gonna make it through.
i told myself, i have done enough. i put in all my effort for the past one year, i did whatever i could to save it, to maintain it and to manage it. i didn't take it as a test or a game, i grew with you, through the right and wrongs.
i have never look down on you being poor. i just want you to know how difficult is it to earn.
i will always dig out time no matter how busy i was. i skipped school and work. you said you did alot too, more than what you used to do. maybe?
the timeless of chances i gave you, was to hope that you will realise your mistake, and to cherish and prolly change for each i gave. but, did you?
you may think i'm joking and call me the next morning or later, to shout at me, making me think that it was my mistake and i have to forgive you and go back. or you will be whining with me through the phone, with uncountable of sorries.
but pal, don't take me as a kid. its true this time.
maybe i do seem that i want to take over you, letting me decide on the path of your life. but if i had not stopped you, what have you become now? moreover, you were the one who ask me decide it for you.
i know, you don't have a mind like mine. i understand this. times, you couldn't understand how i felt, i don't mind. yes, i do whine, but its for you to lay your attention on me. i'm a girl, like any other girls, who need attentions, care and concern. you see me strong, yes, i am. but towards you, how could i be one? prolly i asked too much from you, but i gave too much too. more than anyone could ask from me.
its hitting me hard this time round. but i understand that tears aint an option simply because i have long forgotten how to cry. thought i'm not even ready to accept the fact that i made this decision, i knew i have to. prolly a rough path ahead but i'm gonna make it through.
i told myself, i have done enough. i put in all my effort for the past one year, i did whatever i could to save it, to maintain it and to manage it. i didn't take it as a test or a game, i grew with you, through the right and wrongs.
i have never look down on you being poor. i just want you to know how difficult is it to earn.
i will always dig out time no matter how busy i was. i skipped school and work. you said you did alot too, more than what you used to do. maybe?
the timeless of chances i gave you, was to hope that you will realise your mistake, and to cherish and prolly change for each i gave. but, did you?
you may think i'm joking and call me the next morning or later, to shout at me, making me think that it was my mistake and i have to forgive you and go back. or you will be whining with me through the phone, with uncountable of sorries.
but pal, don't take me as a kid. its true this time.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
the little spice that keep us alive.
went big bully's place to catch the finals of "the perfect cut" and "housewives' hoildays" in fact, these two tv series that somehow, taught big bully and i a lot. a lot of stuffs about our relationships. in the mist of watching, we were always have topics of our own when certain scenarios happened. and eversince the "housewives' holidays" big bully kept insisting that i'm similiar to Alice. yes, maybe the dressing style, that's what i have always been dressing. but if you say character wise, yes to part of the demanding part and no, to the show-off part.
and whenever Alice tried to show-off, big bully would use his leg to kick Alice(his precious tv).
and he kept using his digusting high pitch tone to sing the main theme song of "the perfect cut." yucks.
and whenever Alice tried to show-off, big bully would use his leg to kick Alice(his precious tv).
and he kept using his digusting high pitch tone to sing the main theme song of "the perfect cut." yucks.
Friday, March 20, 2009
IT'S OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVER!
it's over finally! one month of stress is finally over for the time being.
and like what kang said, what is done is done. no point on harbouring if i could pass this module. damn edmund. i even receive an e-mail from school saying that we could write feedbacks on the exam we had this morning. seriously, i had the got "cheated" feeling.
i wanted to leave the exam room straight after i flipped over the questions. but i thought, since 30/100 is a pass, why not just give it a shot. no harm. oh great! there's harm. the more i write, the more i think, the more i get pek cek. it's used to be that 1 question occupied 2 pages for all my exams. and 2 pages for 25marks. yet, for this damn one, i wrote 4 page for 1 question, that comes in 2 parts and one is 15 marks and the other is 10.
fuckermania.
okay, what done is done. i can't go back. just wanna rant over here. you know la, girlsssssssssssss.
it's over finally! one month of stress is finally over for the time being.
and like what kang said, what is done is done. no point on harbouring if i could pass this module. damn edmund. i even receive an e-mail from school saying that we could write feedbacks on the exam we had this morning. seriously, i had the got "cheated" feeling.
i wanted to leave the exam room straight after i flipped over the questions. but i thought, since 30/100 is a pass, why not just give it a shot. no harm. oh great! there's harm. the more i write, the more i think, the more i get pek cek. it's used to be that 1 question occupied 2 pages for all my exams. and 2 pages for 25marks. yet, for this damn one, i wrote 4 page for 1 question, that comes in 2 parts and one is 15 marks and the other is 10.
fuckermania.
okay, what done is done. i can't go back. just wanna rant over here. you know la, girlsssssssssssss.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
no one is perfect
and at this point of time, i made up my mind.
instead of spending all my hard earn money on eating, i'm not gonna do that anymore. i gonna stop going to better air conditioned places, i should go places that sell tastier food and much more cheaper. moreover, we eat and shit, what's the point of having something that won't last.
spend those money on higher end stuffs instead. clothings, wallets, bags, facial products and so on. of course, i have to stay healthy if not i'll be spending 200 a month on doctors.
why not save that 200 that will eventually, add to a thousand in 5 months to get my gucci bag?
saving money is a must too. with money endlessly flowing in, i guess, it shouldn't ba any problem.
uh huh, sounded like a good plan, ya.
of course, moving on to my plan of getting a car by the age of 23.
i'll be saving money on clothes too! BECAUSE, bosses gonna set up online store. i'm manging it. obviously. this isn't gonna be part of my job. i'll gonna do some exhange of terms and conditions with them. prolly an increasement in my pay for managing the store and also free clothings from each collections.
oh man, that's got me so high.
instead of spending all my hard earn money on eating, i'm not gonna do that anymore. i gonna stop going to better air conditioned places, i should go places that sell tastier food and much more cheaper. moreover, we eat and shit, what's the point of having something that won't last.
spend those money on higher end stuffs instead. clothings, wallets, bags, facial products and so on. of course, i have to stay healthy if not i'll be spending 200 a month on doctors.
why not save that 200 that will eventually, add to a thousand in 5 months to get my gucci bag?
saving money is a must too. with money endlessly flowing in, i guess, it shouldn't ba any problem.
uh huh, sounded like a good plan, ya.
of course, moving on to my plan of getting a car by the age of 23.
i'll be saving money on clothes too! BECAUSE, bosses gonna set up online store. i'm manging it. obviously. this isn't gonna be part of my job. i'll gonna do some exhange of terms and conditions with them. prolly an increasement in my pay for managing the store and also free clothings from each collections.
oh man, that's got me so high.
Monday, March 16, 2009
it is getting wordy here.
watched coming soon with big bully. i was so scared throughout the whole movie. at the end of it, i was filled with question marks. firstly, it's lousy. next, it's not scary. it's just the ghost looked like a freak, so, i was freaked out. lastly, don't watch.
sweeee.
yesterday was man u and liverpool with big bully. almost got scolded for screaming, cheering and shouting when liverpool scored. it was totally adrenaline rush for the both of us who were die hard core fan of liverpool. we were cursing and swearing man u.
i made a joke that man u always win liverpool 'cause whenever they will be having a match with liverpool, they go to church to pray. and liverpool will be winning in this case 'cause it's a saturday and they are busy practicing, so, no church for them. big bully was totally obsessed with my joke. siao.
oh well, man u trashed liverpool anyway. wooohoooo.
now, beng, big bully and me, we are talking about r/s in msn. and big bully i trying to complain how i treated him and of 'cause, as a girl, i must defend we girls, on why at times, we react to certain stuffs in such ways and why were have so many mood swings.
damn guys. just don't understand us. now, i'm gonna brain wash the both of them to love us more than themseleves. 'cause without us, there wouldn't be colours, men will have menses, get all the period pains and giving birth, there wouldn't be love in this world without us. SO, LOVE US, damn you man. time to stop complaining. time to give us more love. pamper us. stop making us angry.
the advertisment says so, isn't it.
they just don't understand that some things that we dislike seeing them do, we will always dislike it. no matter what, you will still dislike it.
they just don't understand stand that when we are angry regardless of whatever nonsenses or reasons, they SHOULD always talk to us nicely and never to throw temper to us when they get sick of asking "why? what happened? what i do? why you like that?" when we kept mum at all times.
they must understand that we need assurance, care and concern.
they must understand that some times, when we are angry, it's better for them to shut up. they must also understand that when we are angry, they cannot ignore us. (aiyo, i pity those boys)
SO BOYS, love us. we are unique and rare gems.
sweeee.
yesterday was man u and liverpool with big bully. almost got scolded for screaming, cheering and shouting when liverpool scored. it was totally adrenaline rush for the both of us who were die hard core fan of liverpool. we were cursing and swearing man u.
i made a joke that man u always win liverpool 'cause whenever they will be having a match with liverpool, they go to church to pray. and liverpool will be winning in this case 'cause it's a saturday and they are busy practicing, so, no church for them. big bully was totally obsessed with my joke. siao.
oh well, man u trashed liverpool anyway. wooohoooo.
now, beng, big bully and me, we are talking about r/s in msn. and big bully i trying to complain how i treated him and of 'cause, as a girl, i must defend we girls, on why at times, we react to certain stuffs in such ways and why were have so many mood swings.
damn guys. just don't understand us. now, i'm gonna brain wash the both of them to love us more than themseleves. 'cause without us, there wouldn't be colours, men will have menses, get all the period pains and giving birth, there wouldn't be love in this world without us. SO, LOVE US, damn you man. time to stop complaining. time to give us more love. pamper us. stop making us angry.
the advertisment says so, isn't it.
they just don't understand that some things that we dislike seeing them do, we will always dislike it. no matter what, you will still dislike it.
they just don't understand stand that when we are angry regardless of whatever nonsenses or reasons, they SHOULD always talk to us nicely and never to throw temper to us when they get sick of asking "why? what happened? what i do? why you like that?" when we kept mum at all times.
they must understand that we need assurance, care and concern.
they must understand that some times, when we are angry, it's better for them to shut up. they must also understand that when we are angry, they cannot ignore us. (aiyo, i pity those boys)
SO BOYS, love us. we are unique and rare gems.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
i see myself doing things i will never do. i see myself jumping out of my window one night. i see myself cutting. i see myself crying. i see myself begging.
i even googled how to die easily.
i was shivering. the whole body was and hands were back to those electrical chairs days.
i told myself it's enough. i told myself i need a break.
i wanna get a doctor. someone whom i can talk to. someone who has the rights to give me a letter to defer my studies.
i don't wanna continue a single shit anymore.
once, i watched a documentary. the host asked the priest why people wants to go to heaven. the priest reply was because heaven is a wonderful and beautiful place. hence, the host asked back, since it's so nice, why not kill yourself now.
as for now, i don't mind if heaven was actually hell in fact or my soul just disappear in the air.
i just hate to see this world any longer. it's a torture.
i can't even recognize myself now. i'm such a pathetic bitch.
i did what i could. no one appreciate.
dying inside cause i can't stand it. can't take this madness.
it should be time.
i even googled how to die easily.
i was shivering. the whole body was and hands were back to those electrical chairs days.
i told myself it's enough. i told myself i need a break.
i wanna get a doctor. someone whom i can talk to. someone who has the rights to give me a letter to defer my studies.
i don't wanna continue a single shit anymore.
once, i watched a documentary. the host asked the priest why people wants to go to heaven. the priest reply was because heaven is a wonderful and beautiful place. hence, the host asked back, since it's so nice, why not kill yourself now.
as for now, i don't mind if heaven was actually hell in fact or my soul just disappear in the air.
i just hate to see this world any longer. it's a torture.
i can't even recognize myself now. i'm such a pathetic bitch.
i did what i could. no one appreciate.
dying inside cause i can't stand it. can't take this madness.
it should be time.
Saturday, March 07, 2009
really busy these days. with health, with projects, with work and with boyfriend. but finally, i can relax for tomorrow. then, i'll be busy with exams for two damn weeks. hectic week ffastor this whole month.
well, i was very prepared to have my exams very well prepare for this modules, that's 'cause boyfriend is supposed to book in on tuesday. but well, they called and said it's still processing. how dumb, when he had already recieved the position and it's still processing?
never mind, anyway, i planned my this month since i know he is gonns book in on tuesday. but now, neh neh, gotta re-plan again.
i really hope he can faster book in and give me 2 weeks of boyfriend-less days and getting to see him for friday till sunday after that 2 weeks for 3 months. it's gonna be so good to be single from monday to thursday of each week.
anyhow, blog tomorrow. mj now.
well, i was very prepared to have my exams very well prepare for this modules, that's 'cause boyfriend is supposed to book in on tuesday. but well, they called and said it's still processing. how dumb, when he had already recieved the position and it's still processing?
never mind, anyway, i planned my this month since i know he is gonns book in on tuesday. but now, neh neh, gotta re-plan again.
i really hope he can faster book in and give me 2 weeks of boyfriend-less days and getting to see him for friday till sunday after that 2 weeks for 3 months. it's gonna be so good to be single from monday to thursday of each week.
anyhow, blog tomorrow. mj now.
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
I wake up with blood-shot eyes
Struggled to memorize
The way it felt between your thighs
Pleasure that made you cry
Feels so good to be bad
Not worth the aftermath, after that
After that
Try to get you back
I still don’t have the reason
And you don’t have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you
Give me something to believe in
Cause I don’t believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try
So this is goodbye
Goddamn my spinning head
Decisions that made my bed
Now I must lay in it
And deal with things I left unsaid
I want to dive into you
Forget what you’re going through
I get behind, make your move
Forget about the truth
I still don’t have the reason
And you don’t have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you
Give me something to believe in
Cause I don’t believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try
And you talk about how you're feeling
But I don’t believe it’s true anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
Struggled to memorize
The way it felt between your thighs
Pleasure that made you cry
Feels so good to be bad
Not worth the aftermath, after that
After that
Try to get you back
I still don’t have the reason
And you don’t have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you
Give me something to believe in
Cause I don’t believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try
So this is goodbye
Goddamn my spinning head
Decisions that made my bed
Now I must lay in it
And deal with things I left unsaid
I want to dive into you
Forget what you’re going through
I get behind, make your move
Forget about the truth
I still don’t have the reason
And you don’t have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you
Give me something to believe in
Cause I don’t believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try
And you talk about how you're feeling
But I don’t believe it’s true anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
So this is goodbye
I’ve been here before
One day a week
And it won’t hurt anymore
You caught me in a lie
I have no alibi
The words you say don't have a meaning
Cause
I still don’t have the reason
And you don’t have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you
And I...and so this is goodbye
Give me something to believe in
Cause I don’t believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try
And you talk about how you're feeling
But I don’t believe it’s true anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
So this is goodbye
So this is goodbye
I’ve been here before
One day a week
And it won’t hurt anymore
You caught me in a lie
I have no alibi
The words you say don't have a meaning
Cause
I still don’t have the reason
And you don’t have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you
And I...and so this is goodbye
Give me something to believe in
Cause I don’t believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try
And you talk about how you're feeling
But I don’t believe it’s true anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
So this is goodbye
So this is goodbye
Monday, March 02, 2009
Sometimes we wish for the better
When we have it good as it gets
Sometimes the grass isn't greener
Sometimes we find out we forget
Sometimes the fool doesn't know he's a fool
Sometimes a dog he don't know he's a dog
Sometimes I do stupid things to you
When I really don't mean it all
Sometimes a man
Is gon' be a man
It's not an excuse
It's just how it is
Sometimes the wrong
Don't know that they're wrong
Sometimes the strong
Ain't always so strong
Sometimes a girl
Is gon' be a girl
She don't wanna deal with all the drama in your world
God knows I don't mean to give it to you
So girl I'm sorry for the stupid things I wish I didn't do but I do
Oh so sorry, oh no, oh so sorry
Sometimes I wish I was smarter
Wish I was a bit more like you
Not making stupid decisions made at the last minute
You live to regret when it's through
Well, sometimes the fool doesn't know he's a fool
And sometimes a dog he don't know he's a dog
Sometimes I do stupid things to you
When I really didn't mean it all
When we have it good as it gets
Sometimes the grass isn't greener
Sometimes we find out we forget
Sometimes the fool doesn't know he's a fool
Sometimes a dog he don't know he's a dog
Sometimes I do stupid things to you
When I really don't mean it all
Sometimes a man
Is gon' be a man
It's not an excuse
It's just how it is
Sometimes the wrong
Don't know that they're wrong
Sometimes the strong
Ain't always so strong
Sometimes a girl
Is gon' be a girl
She don't wanna deal with all the drama in your world
God knows I don't mean to give it to you
So girl I'm sorry for the stupid things I wish I didn't do but I do
Oh so sorry, oh no, oh so sorry
Sometimes I wish I was smarter
Wish I was a bit more like you
Not making stupid decisions made at the last minute
You live to regret when it's through
Well, sometimes the fool doesn't know he's a fool
And sometimes a dog he don't know he's a dog
Sometimes I do stupid things to you
When I really didn't mean it all