why? of all, me again?

wasn't your favourite at all.

still remember when i was 3, all the kids of my age are happily living their childhood, but you chose me, to not live my life like them. i was out there busy looking for the best doctor to cure me. every kid of my age run around. wasn't that the life everyone should have. you took that away from me. i couldn't run. i couldn't eat kids' all time favourite happy meal. i couldn't eat any tibits, no cold drinks, just plain water. no fried food, no chicken, just plain breakfast, lunch and dinner.

when i was 6, because you chose me, i was in and out of hospital. how many times was that? how much did daddy spent on me? how many times did i have to fight to breathe? well, there was this one time, i really thought i was gonna die. mum and dad suffered with me.

that night at 6, why didn't you stop those things away from me? you know how was it like to wake up in the morning and to realise i couldn't even walk? you never protected me once. am i really that insignificant to you?

when i was 7, i went to primary school. no one likes me. everyone likes to run. but i couldn't. i'm a black sheep. during PE, no one wanna be in the same group as me, cause i couldn't run. because you chose me, i'm being left out.

remembered when i was 8, school had their annual fun fair? i wanted to play treasure haunt so much. no one wanna be in the same group as me. i already got my tickets. mum knows i'm upset. she said she could join me, but i didn't want to. i want to play with me friends. because you chose me, i can't play my favourite treasure haunt. all mum could do was to do her best to stop me from being sad. she suffered with me again. you know, i'm still affected by this. it might not be anything big to anyone, but it is to me. you made me hate myself.

and again when i was 8, i dreamt of grandma dying. 2 days later, everyone went to the hospital to see grandma, mum was kinda reluctant to bring me there as she said hospital had alot of gems. that evening, grandma died. i didn't get to see her. because you chose me, i couldn't see my grandma the last time. i live with this guilt till this very day.

when i was 11, i thank you. 'cause you stopped me from suffering. i stopped going in and out of hospital and i stopped on my medication. i thought you started to realise you made a mistake on choosing me to suffer at such a young age.

when i was 14, people eat seafood like no one's business, yet, i get swelling that i have to go for operations, leaving so many scars on my body now. because you chose me, to suffer again.

when i was 15, doctor told me i had white blood cells more than the reds. because you chose me again.

now, you din love me either. despite me not having a good childhood, won't you just leave me alone for a better adult life? why of everyone, each and everytime i am being chosen? what have i done to suffer all this craps? what have i done that my parents have to suffer with me? why me this time, again? this is a life time thing. you made me go on medication for almost 8 years, now, you want me to go for a lifetime medication? how could you be so cruel to me?