so, *scratch head* what's all the symtoms of thyroid about? there were question marks on the doctor, my mum and me. the doctor seeing my weight dropping rapidly had no choice but he said "it's better for a full body check-up."
i'm still eating like a king kong. bf couldn't stand it. he would go "huh?!! still not enough?" "what? again? we just ate?"
so, this is the 45kg me. grandpa noticed it on his birthday and he kept telling my mum to not let me go on diet. ON DIET?! huh? since when?
each and everyday, i stand in front of the mirror. it goes like this: god damn it, i look so so damn ugly. i hate my face. there were times when i feel like killing myself, and i hope i don't go out and scare people.
i hate the comments that i'm going on diet given by people. this isn't what i want at all.
i forced myself to eat. i ate breakfast, then lunch, yet after lunch i bought a lot of tibits or snacks and i countinue eating non stop till i meet bf for dinner and i eat again. and at times, i will say "can buy another meal?" and if bf said he is too full to share with me, i have to stop eating till the next day. this routine has been going all day.
and eventually, eating too much makes me wanna puke. therefore, i cut down to have breakfast, lunch and dinner only. i might skip either one till i have gastic ache, that's when i proceed to get my snacks and so on and force it down me.
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG?!
i so do not want to go do the full body check up. imagine how much more courage i have to put up for it. the blood test had almost killed me.
HOW LA!
it's either i stay put at this weight or i maintain it. if i go on loosing, i'll kill myself. i'm i put on weight till over 50kg, i will kill myself too. 'cause there's a big day coming, i don't wanna ruin the way i look.
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